Ache
by Many Impossible Things
Summary: Some general drabbles about Lily and Zach. They, along with every other character in this book, fascinate me.
1. Fairlane

So, I watched the movie the other day and remembered how much I absolutely love the book. For some reason, the muse descended and some drabbles appeared on my screen. There's no elongated, connected plot here, really. Thanks for reading. :)

Disclaimer: Own nothing, see profile.

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><p>The night after Lily went to her first movie, she didn't sleep. In another life, for another girl, it would've been because she just went on her first "date" with a boy. Other girls wouldn't be able to sleep because of how wonderful everything was. For Lily Owens it was because the boy she went with had been taken and was probably being beaten for being with her. Whenever something wonderful seemed to happen to her, something ten times worse followed right after.<p>

Every part of her ached. Her head where she'd been shoved to the ground. Her feet where she'd paced up and down the driveway since Neil and Mr. Forrest had left to find him. Her hands where they'd been wringing each other. Her eyes where tears hurt but weren't there to shed. Her conscience that told her it was her fault. And mostly her heart where it screamed to Mary not to let the one boy who had ever been nice to her die.

Why couldn't anything ever go right?

She lay there in the honey house, staring into the darkness at the ceiling she couldn't make out but knew was there…like Zach. She knew he was out there in the darkness somewhere, she just had the horrible lack of knowledge about how exactly. Rosaleen lay in the cot next to hers, snoring in her deep sleep. Lily rolled over onto her side, trying in vain to get comfortable. She could've been in the biggest feather bed in the world and not been able to get a wink of sleep.

That's when she caught sight of it in the moonlight. Gleaming with a blue hue were the candy apple red and brisk white of Zach's Fairlane. It sat parked right where he'd left it that morning. It sat there like a loyal dog waiting for its owner's return, content to wait without complaint until it was summoned.

The sudden thought that Zach might never come to start it up punched Lily in the stomach. Soundlessly taking her blanket despite the heat, Lily swung her legs over the side of the cot. She found herself opening the passenger side door of the car and crawling in.

She'd never been in Zach's car before. She'd ridden with him in the honey truck often enough. She loved watching him drive, especially when he'd look over at her and smile. He always steered with only one hand, resting his other arm on the back of the seat. It showed off his muscles in his white t-shirts. She liked imagining that perhaps, just once, that arm would stretch out and lay right behind her head. She'd be able to lean back and feel it warm against her neck.

Zach wasn't there to smile at her that night. As she curled up against the driver's side door, sitting up and leaning her head against the headrest, she suddenly wished she'd taken May up on her offer of 7-up cake. The tears that had refused to come that day poured out in a sudden flood as that thought and the smell of Zach surrounded her.

Lily's tears still hadn't dried up when the sun peeked over the trees. She stayed there, oblivious to everything except the ache in her heart, until August opened the passenger side door. "Lily, honey, May has breakfast on the table. Do…" Her question dried up as she took in the girl before her. Sighing, she asked, "Lily, how long have you been in here?"

Lily shook her head, she didn't know. Heaving back a sob, she looked up at the woman, "Miss August, it's all my fault."

Wrapping her arms around the girl, August shook her head, "Oh, honey, something tells me that Zach doesn't see it that way."

Sniffing back tears, knowing she'd have to act normal for Miss May soon, Lily asked, "Do you think he'll be all right?"

"I pray he will."

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><p>Lily found herself crawling into the front seat of the Fairlane the next night, too. She couldn't stay in the house with June, August, and Rosaleen as they mourned Miss May. She felt like an intruder. She cursed her white skin. If she'd been black then none of this would've happened. Being with Zach wouldn't be so forbidden, he wouldn't have been taken, and Miss May wouldn't have just killed herself to escape the pain.<p>

She curled up and cried for Miss May and Zach and her mother and August and June and Rosaleen. And somewhere in there, just maybe, she cried for herself as she asked Mary why everything had to be so hard.

Lily couldn't contain the pure joy that surfaced when she saw Neil's car pull up in the driveway and Zach crawl out of the back seat. Her first glance of him stopped her from running forward like she wanted to. Guilt washed over her as she took in the black eye, swollen lip, and lack of bright light in his eyes.

Wanting nothing more than to just cry and say how sorry she was, Lily was silent as she was the last to come over and gently hug Zach. Her conscience and heart ached as he gave her the barest of hugs back. It was all her fault…

line

"Coretta, it's August. I need to talk to Zach." August sighed as the line went quiet as she assumed Zach was summoned to the receiver. She glanced out the window to see absolutely nothing in the darkness of the honey house. She could only hear Lily's guilty cries and screams. From the sound of it, she was going to be short a few jars of honey.

She didn't think she'd do Lily any good at this point. Lily had been living with the guilt of her mother for so long now, she took on any new guilt that came her way. She was like May in a way, except instead of taking in sorrow, she took in guilt. The poor girl thought that everything horrible that had happened this last week was all her fault: May, Zach, everything. That was clear enough when she'd come across her in Zach's car.

The girl was heartbroken, just realizing how she felt and unable to do a thing about it because she wasn't supposed to like the boy of that color. August had watched the two long enough to know it probably wouldn't matter what the rest of the world thought. Right now, however, what mattered was what Lily thought.

May wasn't around anymore to tell Lily it wasn't her fault, neither was Deborah. Zach was the only one left. It might mean confronting some feelings he didn't want to yet, but it would be good for both of them.

Despite it being after ten, Zach didn't sound sleepy. He sounded tired, exhausted really, but not sleepy. "Miss August?"

"Zach, I'm sorry to wake you but I need your help in the honey house, tonight."

He was pulling into the driveway all of maybe ten minutes later. No, he hadn't been sleeping. August met him on the porch. Seeing her in her pajamas, Zach frowned, about to ask what was going on. August beat him to it, "Zach, honey, I need to tell you something about Lily's momma."

He stood, listening to the whole story in rapt attention. When August got to the part about Lily calling herself unlovable, she noticed he seemed to instinctively take a step toward the honey house. Now that he was listening for them, he noticed the sound of her sobs.

"Zach, Lily thinks that everything that happened is her fault. Nothing I can say can convince her otherwise. In fact, if I do she'll just believe it more. You're the only one that can let her know you don't blame her for what happened. She was feeling it before May did what she did, too. She slept out in that car when you were gone," she nodded toward the red and white vehicle. "I found her in the morning like she hadn't slept a wink. Honey, I know you don't want to think about what happened to you but, please, just let her know it's not her fault. It was because of hate and she's got nothing but love for you, Zach."

She didn't need to say a word more. Once she nodded that she was done, he was gone like a shot. She sat down on the porch steps, listening to see how it panned out. As soon as the door banged closed behind Zach, the sobbing intensified. She heard Lily profess how sorry she was for a good five minutes before Zach found a way to quiet her. The low mumble of his voice told her he was probably telling her how not her fault it was.

A small smile upon her lips, August nodded when the sobs had disappeared altogether. Lily would be all right.

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><p>Lily woke up to find herself still sitting on the floor of the honey house, her head against Zach's neck and his arms around her. They'd fallen asleep like that the night before. He'd told her he didn't blame her. It wasn't her fault. He wasn't mad at her. She could be sorry all she wanted but there was still nothing for her to be sorry about.<p>

She'd only half believed him about that. The fact that he wasn't mad at her and didn't blame her made the ache in her chest lift away, however.

Now as she relaxed back into an embrace she would probably never get to be in again, the ache spread all over her. The way the world looked now, she'd never be allowed to actually be with Zach. She'd spend her whole life aching like this.

As one of his arms tightened around her in his sleep, she decided she was okay with that…if only she could feel what it was like to be kissed…

She did later that day when she and Zach promised that they wouldn't become mean like the rest of the world. She took his dog tag and held it close to her heart with every minute of the day.


	2. Home

"Fine, if you want to pretend this is a social visit, we can pretend," T Ray mocked as he sat down in the Boatwright living room. Lily looked across at him from where she stood, suddenly no longer feeling the least bit afraid. She had her momma's whale pin on her shirt, Zach's dog tag around her neck, and most importantly three mothers who loved her. There was nothing for her to be scared of.

That is, until T Ray noticed the pin on her blouse. A wild look in his eyes she'd seen every time she did something that deserved the grits lit up more intensely than she'd ever seen. She screamed as his hand slapped her across the face, pushing her back into the Mary.

The large red handprint was still there as she stood on the front porch, surrounded by her mothers as she watched her father leave. When T Ray's truck had disappeared, June put her arm around Lily's shoulders, "Come on, let's get some ice on that."

She was still in the kitchen, alone by then, however, when Zach came in to get a drink. He'd been out with the hives that morning. June had gone with Neil. August and Rosaleen were upstairs, working on something, leaving Lily alone but content with her ice pack and honeyed bread. She never really felt alone anymore.

She smiled at him as he came in the door, for the moment forgetting the stinging of her injured cheek. For a split second, he smiled back, that is until he realized what she was holding up to her face and why. Within a few seconds he was inches away from her, inspecting the growing bruise and demanding to know what had happened.

"T Ray came to get me," she explained. As Zach stiffened abruptly beside her, she continued, "He left. He's not going to come looking for me anymore. I'm going to live here with Miss August."

Zach immediately brightened, "Really?" At her nod, he appeared to almost bounce in his seat, so much excitement welling up in him he couldn't contain it. Finally, it burst out and he kissed her soundly on the mouth. Lily's face was practically glowing with her incandescent smile when he pulled away. Returning the expression, Zach nodded toward her eye, "Are you sure you're all right?"

Thinking of her mothers, her home, and the boy across from her, Lily nodded, "It was worth the ache."


	3. Forever

Lily continued walking down the hallway, ignoring the ugly words making a beeline for her from behind. She was used to bullies. She was the little girl who had killed her own mother. Lily had accepted a long, long time ago that bullies would flock to her. After the necklace of innocent little fish, she'd known she would never fit in—she didn't want to be like them. Bullies liked outcasts, though.

Today it was worse, however. She could deal with taunts about herself. That was perfectly fine. She happily knew and accepted who she was and nobody could take that away from her with some words. But the words weren't about her today.

Jackson Ewing was the most handsome boy in school, allegedly. Lily didn't care how handsome the other girls said he was—he was no Zach. As it happened, Jackson Ewing had condescended to ask her to the homecoming dance.

Even if she lived with those black women, he'd reasoned to her, she was new and interesting. It was probably just a story anyway. What white girl would want to live with _black_ people?

But Lily had declined.

Putting his somewhat limited intelligence to the most work it'd had in a long while, Jackson had set out to learn why some stupid girl would refuse him, apparently. This was accomplished by studying her movements throughout the day. He'd discovered that she got a ride to school every day with the quarterback of the black high school. It was highly unlikely he even knew Zach's name.

He always dropped her off at least four blocks from school, except for that day. He had an away football game and had to leave early.

Lily had noticed with mounting annoyance her constant tail but didn't think she needed to mention it to Zach or August. Jackson was just a bully. What was he going to do?

So, about a week after being spurned, Jackson was getting his revenge by shouting it through the halls at her.

"Where's your chauffer, Lily?" he drawled, stretching out her name mockingly. His friends laughed. She kept walking, clutching her books tightly to her chest. "Do you tip him in the morning? Does he call you ma'am like he's supposed to?"

Jackson switched tactics when she refused to rise to his bait, "Has he healed up yet from jail?" Lily froze in her tracks. "Yeah, my daddy was there. He told me all about your little boyfriend. He said he cried like a baby when they hit him. He screamed and cried and didn't shut up until they finally knocked him out."

The hall erupted in cruel laughter that only a few besides Lily didn't take part in. She still hadn't moved. "Leave him alone."

Smirking at her with an anything but handsome face, he laughed, "How's your little nigger compare to me now?"

Lily's tearful exclamation was so full of conviction it sliced through the laughter, "I would rather spend the rest of this lifetime aching for him than ever go anywhere with you, Jackson Ewing!"

The hall was silent as she turned on her heel and strode to class before he could think of something to say.

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Zach arrived at the Boatwrights' home after his football game that night to find the household in an uproar. August and Rosaleen were beside themselves and June looked ready to harm something—a sure sign she was worried. Neil had pulled her into his lap in the chair at one point, probably the only thing keeping her from harming something.

Mental inventory taken, Zach frowned, "Where's Lily?"

August looked up at him and seemed to pale, "She's not with you?"

Shaking his head, he replied with growing worry, "No, she said she was going to walk today because of my game." It was only a two mile walk. She did it all the time… With nothing else to do but wait—the police wouldn't do anything but get angry at some black folks taking up their time—Zach sat on the couch next to August and began to stare at the front door.

It was nearing midnight when they finally heard shuffled footsteps on the porch. The screen door opened a moment later and Lily stumbled from the entrance to the living room. Rosaleen, August, and June were up and surrounding her so quickly, Zach almost didn't catch a glimpse.

A large, purple bruise encircled one of her bright blue eyes and most of her face. A trail of blood was trickling down from a gash on her forehead and a bloody nose. Dirt and matted blood were caught in her usually sunny blonde hair. Her lip was swollen and split. Her left wrist was swollen, bruised, and laying at an unnatural angle. Someone had made sure she hurt.

Although he'd promised Lily once a few months ago that he never would, Zach felt himself begin to boil with anger. He wanted nothing more than to find whoever had done that and hit them until they couldn't stand…but he couldn't. He was colored. He couldn't do anything. If he was white, he would be a coward if he didn't stand up for his girl. But, if he raised a hand against anyone now he would be handed a one-way ticket to jail.

Guilt punched him in the stomach. If he were white, then none of this would've happened to Lily. This was why black and white people shouldn't be together. It was too dangerous. Lily getting hurt was all his fault. It was all his color's fault.

He sat there on the red couch, trying to fight down all the angry feelings. He was staring murderously at the floor with such concentration that he didn't notice when Neil stood and left and another shadow filled the doorway. Lily had sat down beside him and leaned onto his shoulder before he noticed she was there.

He stiffened, his guilt making him feel bad for even letting her close to him. Lily seemed to understand because she promptly said, "Zach, it's not your fault. Don't leave me."

Sighing and wrapping an arm around her, he nodded, "Yes, it is my fault."

Snuggling further into his shoulder, letting her lay down in his arms, Lily insisted, "It's not your fault. It's mine. They didn't even know your name. If I'd kept my mouth shut then this wouldn't have happened."

"Why? What did you say?" Lily was quite generally shy. Her saying something provocative was unusual to say the least. Her saying something that caused someone to beat her was impossible.

"The truth," she said simply, closing her eyes. "I said I would rather spend my whole life aching for you than ever go out with one of them."

Smiling for the first time that night at that, Zach held her bruised face gently in his hands. Kissing her softly until she opened her eyes, he said, "Lily, you won't have to wait a whole lifetime. I promise."

She smiled as much as her split lip would allow, "Good. I don't want to have to love you from afar forever. I like kissing you too much."


End file.
